Who cares about perfect? 

Hey, let's talk about this week!!!! Erm, it's finally the end of Prelims and I am not confident in any of my subjects at all. Masya'allah. It's already less than 2 months before the big Os and yet I'm still screwing papers and failing subjects. What have I been doing the past 3 years? :'-( 

Set that aside, I had an art night class recently and I've finally finished sewing.. I think. I just need Mr.Sham's approval! ^ ^ Yay, happygurl_96 rn kekeke. Anyway, Sabrina's mum was really sweet. She bought the whole art class pizza as dinner and mmm, it was delicious! I ate three slices, three! Omo, fatass what a fatass. It's really yummy. Thank you Aunty, thank you so much! :-) 

.

.

.

.

mmdapppp pizza pizza pizza mozarella cheeeeeeze *.*

Ain, Xinrui 

Lepak! :-)

.

.

.

So anw, had soccer on Wednesday. The final training before Teachers' day! Kinda fun and tiring. Amy and Azuin came along so all the sec4s were a team. It's preddy encouraging when all of them said I've improved. Especially Farhan who said I did great. Aw, thanks bro! Fakhrul really gave me alot of advice on how to handle the ball once I got it so really, thank you guys so much man! 

We had a match with this group of Sec1 at first and then had a match with Lenz's class hahaha. Coolshiat! Not forgetting, I met new friends there too. Ah, so lucky to be meeting new people during the last 2 months before schl ends.

.

.

.

.

Today, it was teachers' day! Hmm it was raining and soccer was cancelled initially. I was so disappointed :-( But then Mr.Vincent had a change of plans and street soccer was conducted in the hall... with a smaller goal post... and a smaller ball. Find the game quite ridiculous cos the ball was pissing me off actually but nevertheless, proud of E5 because we won 2nd overall - eventhough me & Ain didn't get to play in but, it's okay!!!!! Really proud of all who played! 

The concert was quite fun and it was good to see everyone so high and happy! Even Ms.Ang was in a good mood. Mmhmmm ;-) 

.

.

.

Managed to take a polaroid with some of my new friends! Clara, Lenz, Ghazsani and Azhar! :-)

As usual, lunch with my girls! ^ ^ 

 HAHAHA spot the tattoo? Bloodyhell, sho gay! trolololol 

Kekeke, think we look alike here :-) 

Done with my post. Watching the paralympic now. What an eye-opening show. People without hands who can win first in the swimming event? Wow, really amazing! *.* Anyway, have a gr8 holiday guys! 

p/s: Look, honestly, I am sick. Sick and tired of you. Sick and tired of your fucked up attitude. Are you a friend? Do you treat me like a friend? Do you treat her like a friend? Do you treat us like a friend? Bloody fuck. I fucking hate the way you're treating us. It's shit, lemme tell you this it's fucking shit. I'm sick and tired of you picking out on my flaws. Sick and tired of you trying to bring me down. All this while I fucking gave in to all your bloody craps. When you fucking talk behind my back I gave you a chance, she gave you a chance. I thought something was wrong so we open up to each other, end up, you're just a piece of shit. Our friendship is shit, isn't it? Isn't it? Is it really pleasing for you to scream at your friends in public? Sorry, even my mum don't do that. Calling me fat? Making a joke out of me? What's your purpose? What's your point? Do you have issues with me? What have I done to you? Why are you treating me like fucking trash, fucking trash. Wow, i can't believe I'm tearing up again. Think about it, who was there for you when you were crying? Who was the one who tell you not to care about how others think of you. Who? Who? Who? Who gave you a chance again? Who tried to talk it out to others to give you a chance? Who, who, who? Throughout all this times I don't know how many times I've been crying cos of you. All you do is bring me down, you know how much it hurts? Do you know how much it fucking hurts? I treated you like a friend. No, a bestfriend. I thought maybe that's just you. BUT NO, you took advantage of my kindness. You.. you sick in the head. You took me for granted. Why do I always consider your feelings when you don't even consider mine? You know our friendship is shit? Do you know you treat us like shit? You like hurting people don't you? Then don't be my friend anymore. Please, i am sick of being used like this.I can honestly say I'm angry. I'm disappointed. I'm sad. Just fuck off.

It's okay, take it slow ;-) 

What about us, about everything we've been through? 

Hi there! Haven't really gotten the chance to wish all my fellow friends a Happy Hari Raya! Hope Ramadhan has been a great month for all of you (it sure was for me) and hope all of you get richer ya kekeke :-) So, Raya isn't really as fun as last year's. Unsure why, just feels weird. hmm

 1st day: Turquoise was my colour. What was yours? Yep, that's a dreamcatcher at one side of my ears. mmhmm mad cuteness ;-)

2nd day: Black with glitter under the eyes. Well, a girl never gets enough of herself so, enjoy! :-* 

.

.

.

.

.

.

Raya isn't anything special actually. Perhaps cos in between there's examination and all those crap. So, school's been...

Fine. Nothing much to say about school because everyday life = school = 8) uhuh, i'm just very sick and tired of god damn schl. 2 more months Bat, hang in thr :-)

Anyway, English Os Oral is over - i screw it. Cried the moment I walked out of the bloody room. Bad vibes I tell you, bad vibes. Honestly, if I were to be an oral examiner, I would smile and listen and nod and show how delightful I am to hear what a student has to freaking say eventhough I was actually bored or something.

Yeah, did fine with reading and picture. But conversation? I didn't elaborate at all. At all. Atleast I answered all of them. And the lowest one can get for oral is a merit... hmm let's hope I'll get that merit. Gosh, bat, it's just talking for god's sake! :-( 

Anyway, it was Farihin's bday so I'm proud to say: Welcome to the club girlfriend! :-* I think i wished her late but, it's okay hahaha i'm sure this girl would forgive me hahaha well, thank god she found her happiness back, alhamdulillah. ;-) 

Soccer practice today. Realised how much of a potato I was. Yep, potato is the right word - batato. Baibai :-) 

xx

p/s: I thought I said I wanted to give up? Someone remind me to give up. I knew it. This heavy heart, this uneasy feeling. Just cos of that.. thing.. ugh why why why Bat, why do you always do things that doesn't make you happy?! Why do stuff that only makes you sad because you know it's never gonna happen ever again? :-( Why work so hard for a sad ending? Why bat bat bat bat whyyyyy. I knew this would happen, and it only does everytime I'm in my room.. alone. Ughhh, frustration mode: ON *pulls hair* *bangs head* *rips pillows* :-( Why is He taking a little too slow granting this.. small.. prayer. Shit, i'm being selfish. Note to self: Good things come to those who wait. Patience is a virtue. Bat, bat, bat - just forget it. It'll never happen.. atleast not now. So try to, just try to push it aside. 

I like you. I like you, alot. Even after.. everything.    

Blessed. 

Holla to my non-existent readers! 

Well, how's life? It basically revolves around school. Hmm, gotten back my EM Papers and I failed... as usual. But there's slight improvement. From an F9 to D7, if you look at the bright side hahaha and I passed my Paper 2 for the very very very very very first time in 4 years? But, like what Mr.Tan said, "Passing is not enough" <<< True that, I am so gonna work my ass off and get atleast a B3 or an A2 for Math. I am certain I can do it. Yes yes, start aiming high everyone!!!!! \m/ 

Yesterday, I had Art class till 10PM. Together with the other courses, DnT & Fnn! Yep, feels like intensive. I love intensive for subjects. It's so fun. It's when everyone gets into the mood of the subject and everyone just simply bond. And it's a freaking night class. Hell yeah, school all to ourselves! 

Pretty cool when all the Muslims break fast together at the first level. Some of us (including me, Ain & Fari) were under the ramp and the canteen. Gosh, really feels good to have the school all to ourselves kekeke. Oh, before the three of us went for our break fast, we had this mini group hug awwww y r we sho adorbz?! ^_^

Solat with Fari afterwards and I swear i want to kill her alksdjalksdjaskljksldjaslkj!!!!! HAHAHA ;-)

Heh, that's all for Art intensive!!!! 

.

.

.

.

.

Today was the day we all got back our MT Os results. God, the feeling of walking towards the hall itself is nerve wrecking. I was close to tears. Really. :'-( Well, atleast some cutestuff smiled at me heh. But anyway, 100% passes and 60% distinction for Malay pupils, I am so proud of all of us. Above National average!!!! ^ ^ Alhamdulillah. And well, I got my dream grade so I really thank Him for granting my prayers. 

 Hehe, Ferari fixed my butterfly clip!!!! 

Best girls! 

That feeling of getting what I worked hard for, I wanna feel it again. Next year. Insya'allah. I'm going to work hard work hard work hard. Ciao!

xx

p/s: Aw, I really envy her in a good way. It's like, the feeling came back. And this time, everyone notices it. Envy in the sense that I wished I could be in her shoes, and with __ and you know, make everything okay? But, nah. I'm quite tired of all this actually. I believe Allah has someone better for me so I should just yep uhuh :-)

The harder the impact, the faster you get over it. 

I cried when I threw that picture out of the window. Next month, it's gonna be a year. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. 

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Actually I'm okay la!! Nothing to blog about actually! I wanna pierce my ears so bad. Let's start ranting and ranting and ranting. This is gonna be one redundant post! Kekekeke so I was sick yesterday and then I got better today but it was my off day so I didn't go to schl weehooo! And then I just spent the whole day in bed and slacked around most of the time. Tomorrow's science practical and I have a feeling I'll do A-okay for Bio but fail chemistry, as usual. Gosh - I need big help in that mmhmm. I can't believe I'm planning someone's birthday when it's actually still so far away! My gosh, rembat ah! Am I awesome or awesome or awesome?! I'm just damn high right now O: HAHAHAHA actually the NDP's theme song this year quite nice eh?! Oh, and I feel so blessed. My prayers have all been answered. Alhamdulillah. Like, even little prayers that are answered make me feel so happy oh my gosh. Thanks to Him. OK THE END I LOVE ALL OF YOU WHO ARE STILL READING THIS PIECE OF SHITTY WEBSITE. 

xoxo

"Punish yourself. Think of him once, throw away something that reminds you of him. Punish yourself because it's the only way to move on" 

Punishing yet holding it all back. Even the smallest things, means alot. The picture's gonna be the last. Goodbye.

hmmmm 

No words for this. 

Hey there! It's Tuesday - considered as the last day of the week I guess kekeke since tmr's it's just National Day celebration in schl. Oh yeah, was checking out the rehearsal. Thank god ZSB still sound relatively okay ;-) Oh, my my my I miss playing Clarinet773 ok /whimpers

Anyway, I've been sewing and sewing and sewing... but for the sake of that bloody B3 for Art and that Interior Design Course and 14 points!!!!! I can do it, I can do it, I can do it! Hwaiting =^~^= Come on Bat, 70+ more days and 2 weeks+ to freedom, freedom, FREEDOM! Ah, i feel like a bird trololol :-)

Okie, anyway. I'm obsessed with OPPA GANGNAM STYLE HEK HEK HEK HEK!!!!! GANGNAM STYLE!!!!! /dance-crazily-likka-horse Can't believe me and Ain did it down the schl ramp, i swear it's fun! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh, and must really thank Ain for the cornrows! It's her first time and she did an awesome job :-*

Okie, H's on the newpaper!!!!!!! OH MY DARLING. *.* Ah, okay! I have to choose one. Aigoo, but he's so adorbz! Aw aw awwwww kekeke.

All the best for your Prelims/Tests guys!
Okie, ciao!

x

This night, feels familiar. I just miss you. So so so much, so so so bad. 

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Felt good after crying. It's like 11 months of bottled feelings off my chest. It's like all the words that can't be said, I let it out. It's like something that has long wanted to be free. I don't get myself actually. I'm really all choked up and __'s really okay. What the hell am I doing? Shouldn't I be stronger than this? Why am I so bloody weak, bloody bloody weak in the middle of the fucking night. Why am I so afraid of just forgetting something? What's so difficult? Haven't I tried enough? Why isn't my heart/mind not as tired as I am? Yeah, H is amazing. He is amazing. He made me forget __ and he really made me happy. Over his personality and the way he's so musically inclined and all. But __, still special. Still different. Yes, still having this little hope. This tiny little hope. I don't know what the hell I was doing re-reading all those stuff. Just woah at the memories. (Bro's playing 'Back to december' again, ok totally relevant rn) Too overwhelming. Enough, they said. I have given enough. Why am I still so stubborn? What the hell is stopping me?

When you're feeling lost, just pray. Ya allah, please help me get over this feeling.

Yes, I miss __ because he was so special. I'm not afraid to be judge by this post. Not at all. Yes, call me a loser. Tell me to get the fuck on with life. Tell me to fucking move on. No, shut the fuck up you don't know what I've been through, what I'm trying to do and how my life has been so shut the fuck up who are you to judge huh? YES, I'm still stuck in the past but I'm making effort to forget stuff. Stuff that meant alot to me.

"Siak ah ni bat seriously takleh move on move on pe?" No, this batrisyia has feelings. And I'm still human you see.

No, i'm not upset with him. Looking back I realise it isn't anyone's fault that feelings fade, it isn't anyone's fault that things just don't work out. It's just fated to be this way. In fact, I'm quite happy that I can still smile or say hello and not get ignored. The feeling of knowing "Yknow what, actually everything's gonna be okay. We're gonna be friends.. soon". I've learned to accept the fact that life just don't go the way you planned sometimes, that things will never be the same. Now, I'm just learning to overcome it. The worst mistake I've ever done is denying the fact that I haven't move on. I should quit lying to the people around me. Most importantly to myself. Let me hang on a little while longer, I'll move on naturally. All this takes time.

On the brighter note, the period of time when I'm down is the period of time I realise who my truefriends are.

x

Irreplaceable :'-) 

Come real close 

Hey there guys! Yep, finally updating. Short update!!! Tryna type as fast as I can so I can shut this fucking laptop down because I feel so guilty right now making my sister upset. Tsk - don't know why but ramadhan this year is full of challenges. What with my parents being so cranky. Is this something to do with them ageing? -_- 

Anyway, schl's been okay I guess. Iftar with the gurls was fun kekekke. Fari even bought for us cupcakes awwww she's the sweetest okay :-* 

kekeke this was taken @ the lake with my ugly short hair hahahaha bad hair day eh. Oh god, my eyebrow!!!! I need to start threading again soon. :-)

Okay, I really can't concentrate blogging because the rage inside me is gonna erupt soon. So pissed rn. Why the hell do they get so cranky all the time?! /pullshair

Oh anyway, I miss Syafiqah, Amy and Sakinah so so much. God! We're so busy with schl and because we're in different streams it's so difficult to meet cos of our timetable. :-( Sobx, really miss this gurls so so so so so much. Especially Amy! I doubt she can see this. I miss you guys! *spams hearts

I MISS NASRUL AND LENZ SO MUCH. Can't wait for after Os/Ns! Two homies of mine kekekeke anyway, I'm planning to go for Sec1 Orientation camp next year whoop whoop b4 I get really busy with schl. Shld enjoy while I still can.

Hmmm, quite interested in interior design course actually. 17 points? Seems interesting when Eva told me all about it. Okay, hwaiting Batato! ^~^

Okie guys that's all, goodbye!

x