HAPPY HARI RAYA HAJI FRIENDS! 

From the title, yes I'm gonna blog about today. Been sucha long time since we had a family gathering so yes, was really really looking forward to today kekeke thank god for tight family bond ;-) 

OOTD was red! ok, i was totally psyched to do a cover with my nyonya kebaya on hahaha! A cover on one of taylor's song. Hahaha, most probably cos I was wearing red. Heh, and mum said I look like a girl from the 70s. O yes, retro is back!!!!! 

 Aish, everytime I'm with my mum, I feel likka big rotten potato. Why is she so beautiful? ;-) Well, they say.. if you wanna marry the daughter, look at the mum cos she's gonna look like her mum in another 20 years or so. So, ahem ahem k.

Just wanna thank ibu for always being there. Thank god the period of time when we both had conflicts are over omg really thank god. I don't know how lucky I am to have such an annoying mother that I love so much who keeps reminding me how small my boobs are.. -_- Aw, just suddenly thought about the times when she hugged me cos I was crying so bad when that bitch called me fat hahaha oh ibu :-*

Ah, cousins. I just love this 2! Plus Nad and Alif. Yes, my homies. We were too busy talking about our lives that we forgot to camwhore so yeah, that's kinda last minute. Talked about alot of stuff. Family, life, boys. haha just realised that blood is really thicker than water. But anw, really hope these girls stay strong!!!!!! 

And look, among these girls.. one has a Japanese boyfriend, another one has a boyfriend that said straight to her daddy's face "I'm serious about your daughter" HOLYGUACKEMOLYYYYYYYYY why so sweet?! Woah, long distance relationships are the toughest but I can't believe Sya's going through this rn. Sucks what they're both going thru though but life always suck! So it's ok, as long as we have each other. :-) 

 SYAURAH! Isn't she the cutest? 

Just really trying to look at life in a different angle right now. I really thank god for everything I have. Life is pretty much perfect. Now that Os are almost coming to an end.. freedom is within my reach. Just, the last few 15m? hahaha but woah. Manageable O lvl papers, family, friends, hot guy bestfriend aish ha ha ok shut up

I reallllllly think I deserve to fight for my happiness man. Damn it. No more letting go. I'll always be here. Telling you this in your face. terase lah chibai why am i so sweet aigoo haha even if i'm gonna have to be this way I will man, like i really will. fuck yes determination.

Time check: 4:55AM. Shall continue memorizing SS. Yes. Life of a fucking sec4 student ok!!! Ending this post with..

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 An extremely ahem adorably ahem cute picture of WHO ELSE?! ha ha ha shut up 

Bye! :-) 

p/s: Oh god, please answer my prayer.. this is the only prayer I'm begging you to answer fast.. the only one :-( 

You think the worst is a broken heart, but what kills you is the second part 

Time to let go, give up and look for a new source of happiness. I guess there's really no point holding on to something so piercing to the heart. And well, to look at things positively, friendships last longer so yes bat. Time to give your heart a break and move on.

And the reason is you.

I really didn't stop praying hoping one day He'd answer them one by one. I really wished having to stay on didn't hurt so much. What do you do when you know you are not your source of happiness's source of happiness? I walked one big circle in search of the one, only to realise that i was actually walking with someone but yeah, isn't it all too late? I wished i was braver. Wished i wasn't so afraid to take risks. But what else can I do right? Never stop hoping bat, never stop hoping.


Keep your head up high. Everyone realises everything one day. Just, learn to be patient.


xx

"Don't think too much, bat" 
"Just move on" 

"Why are you giving up your happiness when you know he's the reason to your smile?" 
"Just wait bat, just wait. Good things come to those who wait, remember?" 
"Sometimes in life, things change and it will eventually lead you somewhere" 
"Do what your heart says because it's always right" 
"Time will tell, Bat" 
"How do i know that you're willing to stay by his side no matter how many times he pushes you aside and neglects you? Because i know he has a good heart" 
"I have a good feeling about this, just wait" 





















"You are different, really one of a kind" 
"The last person i expect to leave," 
"Talking to her is like talking to a skeleton, talking to you feels more alive" 
"Do you think this is worth it?" "Yes, this is worth it" 
"I'll stay by your side" 
"I'll never leave you okay? Remember that." 

Confused. 

Os in a day's time. har har har. Wow, time reeeeaaallly waits for no man eh? Had my O lvl science pract on Thursday. I've been praying so hard for the paper to be manageable. Thank god it was. The exact same bio experiment that I did for Prelim 1 came out hohoho must be lucky ;-) Well, nothing much to blog about but I haveeee to keep this blog from being so dusty right? A rotting blog, yes, a rotting blog indeed.

I'm actually watching Man U vs Stokecity rn! LOL 1-1 both thanks to Rooney wtshit -_- Shrek oh shrek!!!!!!! OK FOCUS, FOCUS!!!!! Fuck, watching online sucks cos it keeps lagging ever 15 seconds chao chi baaiiiiiiidblkasjaklsjaslkjasdklajslkasjlksajlaks

ha ha ha life sucks rn.

Anyway, really can't wait for 8 Nov. Fucking futsal with homies holy shiatttttt I really can't wait!!!!!!! ^ ^ Okie, bye.

p/s: what do you do when you're all confused? I don't know. I don't know.. what's the point of chasing something you know is impossible? What's the point of going with the flow when you know the flow's taking you nowhere. What's the point of holding on? I don't know but this is just.. I don't know. To wait, because you know it's worth it, or to let go.. and lose something so special. I don't know. Yes, confusing indeed. Time, all I need is time. Time will tell right? Time.. will tell. Just need to wait, haven't I waited all my life. Yeah, i'll wait. again. 

Life sucks. 

I really can't wait to write that long letter. The truth. The risk. The confessions. The happiness. The sadness. The final meet up. Just can't wait to dump my true feelings in there. What a risk, what a huge risk. Some risk I'm willing to make, some risk i'm willing to take. Why oh why take the risk if that person means the world to you? I don't know. I don't want to regret like I did earlier this year. I don't want to make the same mistake. Sometimes, if it just meant to be, it will be. I will do it.

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Fari told me, "Why grieve over the same person over and over again. While you're grieving, how many people are dying? How many babies are born? Why are you spending your time grieving over something when you are given another day to live?" Why is this girl soooo deep. Hahaha, i didn't know she was sucha deep person. Deep and crazy, o yes she is.

I spent the past hour walking around Bukit Panjang with Zwt and Fari, singing songs, cheering each other up because it's such a sad night. I feel lonely. Are you lonely? I didn't know I was lonely until someone told me I was. Ever felt like your heart just sink every.. single.. night? Painful isn't it? And there's nothing you can do but to wait for time to tell you the answer.

God must have a reason why all this is happening to me. Fate.

x

This feels like a dream. And dreams, are happiness that lasts temporarily. And it's scary how I know one day, when I wake up from this dream, this happiness will be gone. I know it's so risky, I know it myself. But I can't help it.. atleast I can't help it for now. I want this dream to last. This happiness to last. Assurance, all I need. I'm just so scared. I think I might break my own heart all over again. How much more can my heart take?

So confused, so confused, so confused. Now that's the thing about girls. They change crushes so god damn quickly and then they get themselves hurt because they are reminded that feelings aren't mutual at times. Initially I thought everyone would support me but lol no, everyone's scared for me. And i'm even more fearful for myself. It's a bloody risk, Bat! But then this strong feeling.. okay, I'm not sure if I can ever trust my gut feeling again. I trusted my gut feeling for Bob and..

Oh wait a minute. I trusted my gut feeling about Bob knowing we won't last at all and he's just a crush. Figured out he really turned out to be just a one month crush. As for F, my gut feeling for him is that we'd last verrrrrry long. And true that, true that we did. It just didn't turned out well. Hahaha, oh bat - what are you ranting about?!

Can't really talk about gut feelings for other guys because F was my first love = benchmark to other guys onwards. Any guy before F = infatuation. That, i can guarantee trololol so now, gut feeling for Tom. Hahaha yes, i give my crushes all sorts of names kekeke none of you wld know who I'm talking about that way oh well. So Tom, my gut feeling's actually very strong but people just tell me not to, not to, not to though they'd tell me at the end of the day it's really my choice. You know, I really don't like boys who push and pull?! One moment you're like baby baby baby and the next you're like errr... fuck.

Oh god, why can't life be a bit more simpler where the nice guys meet the nice girls and they'd be straight forward about liking each other and they'd live happily every after cos the sluts go for the jerks. Why is it that I think so much every night? Finally giving myself a break from studying that's why I have enough time to blog  my feelings out. Good that no one's reading this cos this is one hell of a bloody long post lol i'm gonna laugh at myself in 2 years time if i ever read this again - as usual.

So, I really wanna numb myself from all guys. I really wanna stop liking someone. The feeling of liking people sucks so much. I can't control it but it sucks and I hate it. Love brings pain. Crush brings pain. Infatuation brings pain. How do you stop yourself from liking someone? How do you numb yourself from all these feelings? Sucks how I'm going through this right now.. how much longer can I take? Too much on myself. I can't help myself cos these feelings can't even be controlled oh bat goodbye friends :-)

What if. What if. What if. You're the one? 

Hey supppp! So, it's the last day of school! Well, officially the last day of school for all the other sec4s - except for me and a handful. I still have to go back to school from 8AM till 6PM because the t'chers just don't trust us enough to study on our own. Guess it's a good thing? I'll be forced to focus there I guess. 

Anyway, time.. really flies? It feels as if just yesterday I stepped in Zhenghua and got into class 1E3 and then there were streaming and class allocation and BAM! 3/4E5. It felt as if i just started this year but look, it's reaching the end already. It's.. the final 100m run. It's all coming to an end. In 2 weeks, Os will begin. Then another 2 weeks, Os will be over. 

Woah, I feel so emotional right now... I don't know. I'll miss so many people. The teachers. The cleaners. The food. The environment. Definitely not the DM/Principal lol but, woah. I still can't believe everything's ending. So soon? I don't wanna grow up.

Anywho, some pix from Monday and today! Camwhore like mad but there's more to come tomorrow I guess? Happy endings, let's pray for a happy ending by the end of 2012. I just want a happy ending. 

 These two gays, they're what I call homies! 

 Yeah man, vice-chairman & chairman of 4E5! hahaha yes that's junhao at the back, trolling. 

 Ending off with a picture of my brace face bestfriend: Fari pari ferari farihinnnn alalala comel :-) 

9 MORE DAYS TILL SCIENCE O LVL PRACTICAL AND ADD ANOTHER 2 MORE WEEKS TO THAT = FREEDOM. FUCKING FREEDOM. FUCKING LIBERTY. FUCK SCHL AFTERWARDS. RED HEAD. BED. MUSIC. FOOD. PROM. LIFE AFTER Os IS GONNA BE HEAVENLY. YES LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT! 

So work hard now bat, work hard now. All the best, fellow sec 4s! :-) 

xoxo 

p/s: Time will tell. 

I'm so glad I met you, just so glad.