You wonder if you'd make it out alive

That's the thing about me. When something, that i believed strongly was a miracle, happened.. I just expect for more. I shouldn't. My bad.. gosh, Bat just stop expecting. In fact, I should be thankful it happened. So, I should stop expecting because these "miracles" happens once in awhile so just forget it. Shit, empty feeling building up again. Fine, empty feelings are fine. But don't make me tear up over the same reason again. I should be thankful of everything and for that moment I got back even if it's for such a short while.

Ugh, every night I remind myself this pain will be worth it one day.
x

I listen to your favourite song because that's the closest I can get to you. 

For the best reasons. 

Hi there! It's been a long long long long time since I last updated my blog lol. Sorray, didn't find the motivation to do so. So yeap. Two words to sum up my life: life sucks - but what can you do? Make the best out of it. :-)

So this week is all about catching-up with different different peepz. And as you know.. I CHOPPED OFF MY BANGS!!!! hahahahaha as in my side bangs, so now it's bangs. Some may not know it but I used to keep bangs back in secondary 1 and I looked horrible.... so i didn't dare have it on me again.

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 Bangs 09! Hahahaha, purposely chose this pict because I really looked damn ugly and omagah, check out how the quality of the pict and the super old SE phone plssssss hahahahahahahaa good time! 

 Frenchy!!!! She witnessed me chopping off my hair in the blk 50 toilet. Ikr, why blk 50?! It's like.. haunted or smth. But it was impromptu and it was so funny hahahaha. Like I was so pissed at my hair for having such bad hair day then I decided to put the blame on my fringe so I asked the class for scissiors and chop chop chop woohoo! So first pict with bangs 13! (I still had to chop some parts off at home to make it even haha) 

And finally after a long time, iftar with a group of peepz I've been missing ma whole life! Chey, loljk. But i do miss them okkkkkk! Esp my beloved pari pari who's always so busy! :-( I'm also too busy for her sigh pie. But I'm glad her life is great and we catch up quite abit. I travelled all the way to her school to fetch her. Am I awesome or whut?! 

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Good long talks by the lake with awesome people. Didn't get to take a pict with Farhan though. But he has fever so get well soon ma homie! :-) Anyway, I had a good time. Just love long talks with good company. And sitting by the lake at night gives you this... feeling hahaha, i don't know how to explain it but yeah. Okay!

How i spent my friday:

 FP make-up with da kidz. Sigh pie, feels so sad that I have to leave them. It's only now that they started recognizing me as T'cher Iman hahaha and we've been making quite abit of conversations. Aisssssh. 

School for 2 hours, what bullshit! 

After this I did the most stupidest thing a girl can ever do. And I did it, alone. That was really dumb. Otw home I had this long lecture from myself. Idk why the hell I did what I did but it was so dumb. Just so dumb :-( Then again, I guess it's fated. I mean, yeah - it's fated.

So many things happened in this one week. I'm starting to feel so tired. And I'm starting to make sense of how important I am towards a person. So sometimes, I just don't want to bother anymore. Just leave, whoever who wants to leave just leaaaaave it's okay. You can put the blame on me. It's my fault that you left anyway. Yeah, it's my fault. Just go if I'm just causing hurt to your life and you have the rights to be happy then you should just leave because I take the fucking blame.

14 hours of sleep was awesome. Bye!
xx

Fix you.

Every night is a struggle. I battle with my own thoughts. I battle with my own feelings. It's a never-ending war. It's been going on for so long. I tried my best but I can't.. every night's just so painful. I wish you knew how much I really miss you. This empty feeling.. This feeling of knowing how broken I am deep inside. And I'll always be praying and waiting. I promise.

Well, think again.

You think you know me, but you really don't. So don't bother. Have you ever felt so tired of putting up a strong front infront of everyone? Everyone needs you to be strong for them, to remind them not to give up or any of that sort. But the fucking truth is, you're a weakling. You're a piece of shit. And nobody fucking knows. Because why? You have to be all these crap for them. What if you know you're just a broken girl but what's worst is you can do nothing about it. You're just broken. Fucking fucking broken. And nobody knows. Nobody has to know. Nobody needs to know. But you're just so tired of living up to their fucking expectation. And you're so angry at yourself. You can't even fucking heal from a broken heart. It's been two fucking years. It's about time. You're just so angry at yourself. Fucking dumb fuck. Can you imagine living life like this for more than 700 days and a quarter of it spent on trying to distract yourself from the fucking misery but you fucking failed. And don't fucking try to hit on me. Seriously. Don't flirt. Don't. Just fucking don't do that to me. Not irl, not on social networks. Fucking don't. And so, if you think you know me, think again.