I'm sorry I lied.

I have never thought that letting go could be so painful. But i tell everyone I'm over you. And I lied. Again. Been going on for a few weeks now. But it's okay. One day it will get in my head. And hopefully, my heart. But I was honestly the happiest when I was with you and I wish you knew. And after a year of not talking, when we finally met again.. didn't it felt like how it was before? Did you felt what I felt.. or was it just me? It really sucks when I listen to songs and urgency overwhelms me before the tears flow. The thing about you dear, wasn't about the presents you gave me or the sweet things you do, it was the feeling I had when I was with you that no one else could ever replace. I honestly wish someone could though.. so all this emotional pain could stop. And I finished learning this particular song I've always wanted to play for you when we were together. I'm sorry I wasn't able to. 'But maybe one day, we may meet again in the future.' Right? God's willing. I miss you so much. I miss you so so much.

Happy 17th sweetie, love you! 

xx

Right when everything's falling into place. I felt something missing. And I wish i didn't feel its absence at all because I thought I was so over missing you but here I am. Right? It's just 12.55AM bat, this is too early for those over-thinking fucks and all the bullshits that runs in my head through the night every single day. I want this feeling to be gone so bad. And I want to move on. But i can't and i do not know why. Am I not trying hard enough? How exactly do you move on from someone. I know, it's the fate He puts me in when he made me go through this pain and made me think of lsdjalksj every night but I wish it stopped because gosh, I'm so tired. It is emotionally draining me. And it is draining away my happiness. And I just don't want to feel miserable thinking of that one person that makes me feel like the world's most pathetic girl. What a loser, bat. What a loser. When will I ever heal?

Nobody realizes it. 

Hello there.. if there's even anyone reading this space of mine. 

Hello, hi, aloha, sup! Haven't blogged in awhile. It's almost equivalent to me not working out as well lol. I should probably start running again. Anyway, exams are finally over. I'm pretty sure I screwed the papers up but please let me pass it. Please let me pass it. >_< 

So yesterday, I went to chill with Zawati after her final paper. Woke up extra early and even got her a balloon. The taxi driver was so nice - and it was probably one of the signs that it would be a good day for me (and it was, actually.)! 

So cabbed to town and catched the 2.40PM show. Sat among a row of people so we weren't pretty much alone. The movie was great. First half was predictable, really. And well, the fact that it made me scream at one scene and hide my eyes at another probably speaks for itself how awesome the movie was at freaking me out. Cos no, bat does not scream while watching horror movies so you get my point. 

Well, good food, good company, lovely day! It's been a long time since I actually went out with Zwt so whoopydoopz. Happy belated birthday honeybee, eventho it isn't really my official gift and all but we have the rest of our lives together inshaa Allah. And I hope this friendship last till we have grandkidz owww yeah! 

Time for the pictures! :-) 

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Ayam penyet for brunch. My oh my, it is yummy! I mean, ofcourse I've tasted even spicier sambals and all but this was good enough, coming from a food court. And it cost around 5 bucks i think? More or less. But, it was good! Happy tummy. :-) 

 Slacking by the pretty view because we had lotsa time hahahaha 

 Haven't camwhored like this in yeaaaars! And check out da HK balloon i got her! 

 Pretty background, super Andy Warhol-ish. 

 Pretty wati before she let that cute balloon fly away. LOSER! 

WE MET ONE DIRECTION GUYS!!!!!!! 

 Yum yum, barang baek! Coffee + peanut butter + nuts + oreos = heaven

 Some strawberry banana bajizzles, zawati's. 

Wonderful day! Goodbye! :-)
x

This is emotionally draining. 

"I miss you so much and there is so much of me that wishes you were back in my life and the worst part is I know we are better off apart, but I want you to know that I love you, and if it were up to my heart I would do anything to make this work."

xoxo

So dance alone to the beat of your heart 

(This is going to be a very long blog entry, just sayin'.)

Hey guys! Yesterday was like the last day of school for my class and it was freaking awesome because it's damn slack. And i'm like finally done with assignments and presentations. Totally feel like putting my hands in the air and like not go for the exams next week. And lol i haven't even started on studying for CDEV and EEPP. hahahaha how now brown cow? Raya's tomorrow and I've been pretty busy. Don't know how I'll be able to manage my time but I'll work on it. 

So anyway. Fall out boy concert was yesterday and I don't have the tix. But me and frenchy started talking about how since it's at Fortcanning then it would obviously be an open area so the music will obviously be loud and yknow. So, we decided to give it a shot and just chill around FC and listen to the band live. Couldn't focus in class i swear. Was just too freaking stoked for the damn concert eventhough I wasn't really gonna be watching them yknow. 

Begged my IT tutor to release us early and she said if i want to, i have to sing a FOB song to the class lol okay so fakkkit, i did it for fall out boy with a little twist. 3 minutes of practicing in the toilet and I just gave it a shot. Whatevs, the cup spinned at some part lol but omg class ended at 430 instead of 6 so me and frenchy basically rushed out of school and to fortcanning. The things i do for Fall Out Boyyyyy!!!! 

Unintentionally wore matching outfits with the bimbz hehehe forever making my day in school so much love for these girls! (insert heartzzzz) 

 Outfit of the day: Stripe-top and skater skirt from Cotton On. 

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Honestly didn't have any idea why me and frenchy rushed there. I mean, it's not like we could go in or smth HAHAHA seriously. And how can the people in line not start squealing in sexcitement knowing that they're actually going to freaking watch FOB live...... i mean, me and frenchy were literally shaking and we don't even have fucking tix. But okay, lucky you faggots got them okay rich kidz pffft wtv 

Bumped into Haikel and Lenz there hahahaha. Spotted Lenz's hair from the back and then Haikel wear singlet seh seh seh. Sigh pie, the lucky fags who actually got their tix and stuff like that. Lenz tried to win a ticket for me thru some contest so sweeeeeeeeeet. Try harder. hahahaha kidding, thanks! 

Accompanied the walrus to get his food. 

Very handsummmm dimsum.

Stoked galz waiting for FOB to come out. hahahaha we were blocked by some stupid wall and had thoughts of just climbing over. Security wasn't that tight but faaaaaak so difficult. Wouldn't risk my life though hahaha

This is my stoked face. Pretty much my orgasm face HAHA no 

From a crasher's eyeview. Okay, I know it sucked but the main purpose of crashing was mainly to hear them sing live and breathe their air. Getting to see them from far was a god damn bonus and I thank god for that. Feel so lucky, it's a free concert for me. Budget, I know. But yknow what, i don't care what you think as long as it's about me. HAHAHAHA 

Thank lenz for the awesome photos and vids. Couldn't stop watching them at night. I'm not sure if I'm ever gonna delete them from my camera though hahahah! 

The other crashers. Bad quality i know, i know.. 

HAHAHAHA 

This is Peter from England. I think he's peter.. or was it pete hahaha 

Okay whatever. Last last night was totally worth it. Impromptu plans are worth it i swear. Felt guilty cos I had to paitao Nomato and I'm so sorry but it's FOB.... :-( Aish, just sorry my dear tomato. I'll make up for it, i promise you! 

So honestly, I'll trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday because this feeling inside of me is oh so intricate the fact that I'm a dick, I'm addicted to FOB and I bet the crashers felt like we are wild, cos we are like young volcanoes. But rat a tat tat, rat a tat tat tat hey, I hope to see FOB in sg again and I promise I'll go to their concert for real. Thanks for the memories. 

Totally worth it screwing up an impromptu performance. Totally worth it banging a pole at the bus-stop cos I was rushing. Totally worth it trying to sneak in and getting scolded by the management. Totally worth it tripping over tree roots. Totally worth it perspiring alot. Totally worth it sitting under a tree, listening to my favourite band since pri 5. Totally worth it having mosquito bites all over my legs and one on my face (-_-). Just totally worth it listening to them live from faaaaar.

And i totally have a proof that I was a fan of FOB since young ok... Here's a bio from an old old blog i shared with Rafidah (my primary school bestie) hahaha.

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Damn gay i swear, ok bye!