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I hate this feeling, how I really wanna be there for someone but I just can't. And all I can offer are words but not hugs or like a rub on the back cos I swear that I know how comforting that is, accompanied by silence or without. I wish I could just run over and give that person the longest, tightest hug and remind him that all will be okay.

Then again, i feel like shit cos I feel that I am the cause of all this.

From Tumblr.

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?
Nur Akmal bin Hafidi :-)

2. Are you outgoing or shy? 
Outgoing.

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?
Akmal, Kasee, Baramates, Norita, Syafiqah, Zawati, GC. 

4. Are you easy to get along with?
idk, maybe.

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?
Yes but I'll never get drunk. 

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?
People who are more emotional? The kind that you can just sit down anywhere and talk about life with, yep. 

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?
Yes haha 

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? 
Akmal (who is asleep i suppose) 

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
Nope

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
Akmal 

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? 
To my girls in schl: "WTV GUYZ WE DONE WITH ASSIGNMENT HAHAHA *FLIPS TABLE* *FLIPS CHAIR* (inserts 3 'hamster face' emoji)" 

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?
Jolene, I wouldn't mind, All About us, Thinking about you, Happily Ever After. 

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?
Depends on who. 

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? 
Yes I do. 

15. What good thing happened this summer?
Since everyday's summer in Singapore, that would be falling in love with Akmal. 

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Yes. 

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?
Probably. 

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? 
Nope. 

19. Do you like bubble baths?
Yes I do! 

20. Do you like your neighbors?
Yes cos she loves to bake and cook so she often sends food over and food = happiness so yes yes yes!

21. What are you bad habits?
I tend to forget to put things where they were originally from, I mess up my wardrobe real bad lol

22. Where would you like to travel?
Paris, Venice, Europe, Hongkong, Bangkok, Aussie, London? 

23. Do you have trust issues?
Yes. 

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? 
Erm, brushing my teeth? yes whatever. 

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?
Boobs tummy arm thighs face shape armpits ha ha ha 

26. What do you do when you wake up?
Check my phone. 

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?
Lighter. 

28. Who are you most comfortable around?
Akmal, Syafiqah and my family. 

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?
Yes lol lame 

30. Do you ever want to get married?
Yes, i do! 

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?
uhuh! 

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?
Taylor Lautner and Zac Efron. 

33. Spell your name with your chin. 
b  astgrfjudcuiswa (what the actual fuck I got the 'b' right?!)

34. Do you play sports? What sports?
No I don't lol 

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?
TV. 

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?
Yes but eventually I told him and he's my boyfriend now 

37. What do you say during awkward silences?
Krik krik.. 

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?
He probably has wavy hair and a cute smile and he loves wearing black and someone who understands me so freaking well and loves me for exactly who I am, for all my flaws, for all my insecurities. Oh hey, that sounds like Akmal. 

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?
Cotton On, Forever 21, Topshop, Uniqlo. 

40. What do you want to do after high school?
Work for a few years, get married, then continue studying? idk. 

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
Yes, I do. 

42. If you're being extremely quiet what does it mean?
Thinking about stuff. 

43. Do you smile at strangers? 
Sometimes. 

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?
None cos I'm not adventurous at all. 

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?
Erm duh school. 

46. What are you paranoid about?
Lizards and losing you. 

47. Have you ever been high? 
No. Or, not yet haha! 

48. Have you ever been drunk?
No. 

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?
Yes, i have. 

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?
Black. 

51. Ever wished you were someone else's?
Never. 

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?
For me to be less lazy. 

53. Favourite makeup brand?
MAC. 

54. Favourite store?
Cotton on. 

55. Favourite blog?
relaxhed.tumblr.com/whatbatsaid.blogspot.com/perfectf8.tumblr.com (hehehe) 

56. Favourite colour?
Pink 

57. Favourite food?
Ice-cream! 

58. Last thing you ate?
Cookies. 

59. First thing you ate this morning?
Samosa haha

60. Ever won a competition? For what?
Some book borrowing competition. 

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?
no. 

62. Been arrested? For what?
No. 

63. Ever been in love?
Yes. 

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?
It was in the bus and it just happened, it's cute and funny hahaha. 

65. Are you hungry right now?
Nope. 

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?
I don't have tumblr friends so.. 

67. Facebook or Twitter?
Twitter. 

68. Twitter or Tumblr?
Tumblr. 

69. Are you watching tv right now?
No. 

70. Names of your bestfriends?
Syafiqah. 

71. Craving something? What?
Nothaaaaang. 

72. What colour are your towels?
Pink. 

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?
3

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
No. 

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?
0.

75. Favourite animal?
Rabbits

76. What colour is your underwear?
...

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?
Chocolate! 

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?
^
79. What colour shirt are you wearing? 
Purple, green, pink? (baju butterfly got patterns right tsk) 

80. What colour pants? 
-

81. Favourite tv show?
-

82. Favourite movie?
Angus, Thongs and perfect snoggings. 

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?
Mean Girls. 

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?
MG. 

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?
I forgot lol 

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?
Dory. 

87. First person you talked to today?
Someone from ACE camp. 

88. Last person you talked to today?
Mr. Santino Bangs 

89. Name a person you hate?
lol 

90. Name a person you love?
My mum. 

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?
Yes. 

92. In a fight with someone? 
No. 

93. How many sweatpants do you have? 
1?

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?
5?

95. Last movie you watched?
Devil's due lol stupiak movie ugh! 

96. Favourite actress?
-

97. Favourite actor?
-

98. Do you tan a lot?
Nope. 

99. Have any pets?
I wish. 

100. How are you feeling?
Bored. 

101. Do you type fast?
Yes! 

102. Do you regret anything from your past?
Nothing at all. 

103. Can you spell well?
I don't even know. 

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?
Yes. 

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?
No. 

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?
Yeah.. 

107. Have you ever been on a horse?
No. 

108. What should you be doing?
Studying lol 

109. Is something irritating you right now?
Yup. Thr was a spider with super long legs climbing up my wall and like i grabbed my paper, tried to smash it but I missed?! what in the actual.. fuck. 

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?
Yes. 

111. Do you have trust issues?
Lol repeated question.  

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?
Kevin.  

113. What was your childhood nickname?
Cool-cat. 

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?
Yup. 

115. Do you play the Wii?
A few times before. 

116. Are you listening to music right now?
Yes. 

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?
I don't mind? 

118. Do you like Chinese food?
Yup! 

119. Favourite book?
Tuesdays with Morie. 

120. Are you afraid of the dark?
Most of the times, no. 

121. Are you mean?
not for me to judge. I don't know if being really honest with someone about stuff is considered mean. Maybe yes. 

122. Is cheating ever okay?
Never. 

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?
No. 

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?
No. 

125. Do you believe in true love?
Yes. 

126. Are you currently bored?
Yup. 

127. What makes you happy?
Seeing the people around me happy. 

128. Would you change your name?
No. 

129. What your zodiac sign?
Rat. 

130. Do you like subway?
Yes! 

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
Tell him that I love him as a bestfriend and it's best to stick to the status quo. 

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?
Repeated qs. 

133. Favourite lyrics right now?
Forever is a long time, but I wouldn't mind spending it by your side. 

134. Can you count to one million?
No. 

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?
"Eh shanth, I never take your school card cus you call me lame" 

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?
I leave it ajar. 

137. How tall are you?
156. 

138. Curly or Straight hair?
Straight. 

139. Brunette or Blonde?
Brunette. 

140. Summer or Winter?
Winter? 

141. Night or Day?
Night. 

142. Favourite month?
March. 

143. Are you a vegetarian?
No. 

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?
Milk. 

145. Tea or Coffee?
Coffee. 

146. Was today a good day?
Yes! 

147. Mars or Snickers?
Mars!

148. What’s your favourite quote?
"Truth is everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley

149. Do you believe in ghosts?
Yes. 

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?
I snatched my eyes away in mortification. 

The joke's on you, fucker.  

Goodbye 2013, hello 2014.

Hey, happy new year! (sorry i'm very late ha ha)

I thought I'd skip the whole mushy thank you shit that I've been doing for the past 2 years or so, every new years eve but.. I can't not thank the people who was part of the wonderful 2013 journey with me. Proud to say that I made it through this year and I'm so glad that I ended off the year with a smile.

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First and foremost, I really wanna thank all the people above who actually made my 2013 a really wonderful one. I thank all of you so much for being part of my life. Pictures are placed in no particular order! I'm so blessed to have all of you here with me. Those ups and downs.. it wouldn't have been memorable if it weren't for all of you. Friendships are really one of the most important things that I cherish because for some of them they are truly my pillar of strength. I don't even know what to do without them. For the people whom I've hurt, I sincerely apologize if I've accidentally hurt you in any way.

One thing I have never regretted doing was crashing FOB's concert @ Fort Canning Park. It was one of the best nights of my life and each and every bite from the fucking mosquitoes were worth it hahaha I could go on forever but I'm so glad I actually crashed the concert with Frenchy! (which was why i put her picture with me there) Another thing that I truly am happy about doing was joining Bara because I truly enjoy every single time I go for practice and shit and like I meet all sorts of people there. So yep, bara currently plays a huge part in my life because I spend most of my time there and all, it's cool. :-)

2013 taught me alot. That not everyone is nice, that people betray, that nobody will stay - probably just a handful, that love comes when you least expects it to, that sincerity is key to everything. 2012 was a tough year for me and I was still healing from all the broken pieces in 2013. I remember crying over pointless things over and over again, waiting, hoping, eventhough they're all pretty much wishful thinking and mindless dreaming ha ha but well, I found my source of happiness and that is enough. The pain made me stronger and now that I'm happy, I realized how much I deserved this happiness.

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Not forgetting, one of the most important person in my life. Akmal. I think that this year is truly a blessing in disguise - meeting you and finding you annoying then talking to you and realizing that you're a really nice guy with humour. Thank you for being part of my life in 2013 and many many years to come! I'm so blessed to have someone like you who promises to be there for me, and to finally meet a guy who respects me and loves me for me. I shall spare the people who actually reads this the mushiness since I've said whatever I had to say to you already. Also, cut down on yknow-what! >:( I love you. :-)  


Goodnight everyone, have a wonderful day ahead.
xoxo