What Bat Said

This feels like a dream. And dreams, are happiness that lasts temporarily. And it's scary how I know one day, when I wake up from this dream, this happiness will be gone. I know it's so risky, I know it myself. But I can't help it.. atleast I can't help it for now. I want this dream to last. This happiness to last. Assurance, all I need. I'm just so scared. I think I might break my own heart all over again. How much more can my heart take?

So confused, so confused, so confused. Now that's the thing about girls. They change crushes so god damn quickly and then they get themselves hurt because they are reminded that feelings aren't mutual at times. Initially I thought everyone would support me but lol no, everyone's scared for me. And i'm even more fearful for myself. It's a bloody risk, Bat! But then this strong feeling.. okay, I'm not sure if I can ever trust my gut feeling again. I trusted my gut feeling for Bob and..

Oh wait a minute. I trusted my gut feeling about Bob knowing we won't last at all and he's just a crush. Figured out he really turned out to be just a one month crush. As for F, my gut feeling for him is that we'd last verrrrrry long. And true that, true that we did. It just didn't turned out well. Hahaha, oh bat - what are you ranting about?!

Can't really talk about gut feelings for other guys because F was my first love = benchmark to other guys onwards. Any guy before F = infatuation. That, i can guarantee trololol so now, gut feeling for Tom. Hahaha yes, i give my crushes all sorts of names kekeke none of you wld know who I'm talking about that way oh well. So Tom, my gut feeling's actually very strong but people just tell me not to, not to, not to though they'd tell me at the end of the day it's really my choice. You know, I really don't like boys who push and pull?! One moment you're like baby baby baby and the next you're like errr... fuck.

Oh god, why can't life be a bit more simpler where the nice guys meet the nice girls and they'd be straight forward about liking each other and they'd live happily every after cos the sluts go for the jerks. Why is it that I think so much every night? Finally giving myself a break from studying that's why I have enough time to blog  my feelings out. Good that no one's reading this cos this is one hell of a bloody long post lol i'm gonna laugh at myself in 2 years time if i ever read this again - as usual.

So, I really wanna numb myself from all guys. I really wanna stop liking someone. The feeling of liking people sucks so much. I can't control it but it sucks and I hate it. Love brings pain. Crush brings pain. Infatuation brings pain. How do you stop yourself from liking someone? How do you numb yourself from all these feelings? Sucks how I'm going through this right now.. how much longer can I take? Too much on myself. I can't help myself cos these feelings can't even be controlled oh bat goodbye friends :-)